Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
