There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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