if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
