It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
soo... how was my night?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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