haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
