goodnight i made you a song goodbye
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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