i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
