I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
