i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
