Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
