You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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