I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
People in love make me want to vomit
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
