capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
