I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
