Hey man sorry I got all grabby
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
