yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
