if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
