eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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