her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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