There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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