Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
