Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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