So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize