My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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