She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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