My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
