oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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