high people should be assigned attendants
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
