Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
