her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
time to smoke my breakfast
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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