Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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