apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
