Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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