i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
