now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
sarcasm needs its own font
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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