I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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