if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
