hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
wow bdsm is so cute
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
