people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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