Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
