i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sext me about skeletons
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
