so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
