i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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