Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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