I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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