i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
