he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
