I'm lost and stupid without you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
