Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
