He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
