you guys were way drunker than both of me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
