That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
