I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
