Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
