last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We have started to decorate penises.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
