Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
