I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
