you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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