I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
