You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My ass is underappreciated
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
