just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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