I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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