It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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