dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize