he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
