He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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