I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
